Dear Customer Service Girl,
Lately, you’ve been running around in my mind. I seem to see your comforting, familiar face everywhere and you’re always ready to take customer service calls with a smile! Our happy times are going to have to come to an end though, because I think you’ve been seeing other people. You’ve been in Oregon doing telcom support, you’ve been in the UK helping with web hosting, and even in Georgia as a bail bonds-woman; you are a Jack (Jill?) of all trades and a thief of my heart. I’m moving on to someone who is more real and true to life, someone who can actually let their hair down and keep their head on straight, and someone who doesn’t spend all day whitening their teeth. In the end, you’re just too high maintenance for me. Even though it was so easy to fall for you, to believe I was actually calling you, and I realize now that it’s all been a big lie. We’re through. Pick up your things and get out of my life. Don’t ever try to help me again!
— Adriel Michaud